Your story is not over....
This is your time
Your story is important - the pages that have already been written and the final pages still to come. In the scale of your whole life, this illness is one short but potent chapter. Don't be persuaded that you are a diagnosis and that tour life has run its course. There are probably still a great many things you want, need or hope to do. Yes, some things will be much harder. And yes, one day you might run out of time. But you are still very much of this world and have tremendous power to live richly despite the changes you are facing. Together we can figure out how.
What matters to you now?
Finding Meaning
How does anyone find a place for death in the middle of life? The answer to this depends on many factors - our belief system, our prior experiences around death, our understanding of the purpose of life itself. When life is upended - its natural to feel acute distress, fear, resentment, anger, and sometimes even shame. But death is not a failure. It's a universal part of life. By delving into one's feelings about death - which cannot be separated from one's feelings about life - many people describe finding a sense of peace.
Connecting
Many people's first reaction when faced with death is "but there's so much I still want to do." For some, there's a need to be immersed in family. For others, a strong desire to reconnect with people, places or activities that have held great meaning in their lives. Others may want to explore new things - perhaps things that they have always wanted to try or repair fractured relationships. What does connection mean to you?
Legacy
Life is more than doing what we need to do. It's natural to worry about what we leave behind. It's a big unknown for many of us- how will we be remembered? Most of us live large parts of life unaware of the influence we've had on the world but reflecting on this - and on the ways in which we have each left a mark on this world - can be a tremendously powerful experience. Many people like to memorialize the things that they cared out and poured love into in a very concrete way - investing in a scrapbook project or recipe book for a grandchild. For others its about affirming values and traditions: passing on the bird-feeding baton to a neighbor or finally writing down that secret recipe. What does legacy mean to you?
Planning
It's natural when receiving a terminal diagnosis to feel overwhelmed by practical concerns about how the next stretch of time will look. How will my partner manage? How will I maintain my independence? How can I provide for my loved ones? Where did I put the Netflix password? Some of these concerns can feel really hard to talk about with family - yet with the right information, planning in advance for some of these eventualities can bring you, and your family, a tremendous sense of peace.
Celebration
Some people find immense meaning in helping decide how their life is known and celebrated while they are still alive as well as after they die. It can bring great comfort to know how people will remember you, and being involved in planning a memorial event or goodbye celebration -- although of course bringing up many powerful emotions - can also help people say goodbye in a healthy way. It can also be a time for you to celebrate YOU. So often we dwell on what we didn't do but now you get to marvel at all you DID do.
Life is more than doing what we need to do. It's finding time to connect with ourselves, our world and our favorite people by doing the things that make us feel most alive. Sometimes we have to change the way we do things - or the way we do other things to make sure we have energy for these precious activities. Independence doesn't mean doing everything yourelf. It means choosing what's important for you to do yourself, what you can accept help with, and then finding ways to make that happen.
Independence
No one would explain to me what was going to happen, but I needed to talk about it. I had so many questions.
I wanted to plan my own farewell. But my daughter found it hard to talk about. I didn't want to make things harder for her.
I'd love to hear from you.....
To learn more about our End-of-life care and Occupational Therapy services, use our contact form or reach out to kirstishields@gmail.com
Tel: 585-606-3438